Question: “I’ve been a Buddhist for almost a year now but I have a problem with cursing. I meditate on it all the time and try my hardest not to but I slip up when I’m around other people. Any suggestions?”
That sounds a lot like me! I swear, if I just didn’t have to drive I’d be so much more at peace! I have massive road rage (sometimes… Okay, a lot of the time), so that’s when I mostly slip and say horrible things that you would never say around your mother, but it happens. BUT, because we know we’re going to slip up and we know in what situations cause us to slip, this gives us an opportunity to be able to stop it before it happens.
Mindfulness is key here. This is where we can fully practice, watch our practice, correct it and perfect it. It’s not easy. It’ll take practice. But whenever you’re in a situation where you feel like you’re about to curse, remind yourself to stop, think, breathe and let it go before the words ever utter your lips.
When you’re able to stop yourself from cursing, ask yourself, “What is cursing accomplishing? Will it get me to my destination any quicker? Will it make the person dumber? Will it make me feel any better?” The answer is always going to be NO! Calling someone a bitch doesn’t make them a bitch. They’re only a bitch if they accept they’re a bitch. Who are you to call them a bitch? If someone called you fat and ugly does that make you fat and ugly? No. What authority, power, or influence does that person have to call you anything and make you believe it? Depression, anxiety, fear, sadness, etc. is usually no one’s fault but our own. If something bad or sad happens, the only way it’ll affect us negatively is if we allow it to.
Like anything else we want to do and learn, it takes time and patience. Just because we want to stop cursing doesn’t mean we can just automatically turn that switch off. It takes time, practice, compassion and loving-kindness to cut through the “reason” we curse in the first place. Eventually it’ll get down to a minimum before it stops completely.
Just remember to always breathe and stay mindful. Everything starts as a thought, so before that thought becomes words or actions, make sure it’s a good, virtuous thought.
Smile and be well!