Question: I have a very negative look on the majority of the people on this planet. I don’t get how they can be so arrogant, selfish, unintelligent and inconsiderate! I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to understand them, and I’ve started to question myself if something is wrong with me. They all seem to be so unconscious about other people. I know there’s people that’s different, but I’ve never met any. Am I supposed to change myself or wait for them to change? I feel lost and confused about the humanity.
If you go to a therapist (and I know I’ve read this somewhere, it was probably in college) they will probably tell you that your problem isn’t really with other people, it’s with yourself. You look at others with an “automatic” perception of them being arrogant, selfish, unintelligent, etc., but that is only your perception of them. You are misguided, not them – even though a lot of them truly are too, but that’s not the point. It is a person’s natural habit to automatically judge people and create their own ideas of what they think that person is like. Even to today, when some people look at African Americans they automatically think “gangster,” “killer,” thug,” etc. When they see Hispanics they think “poor,” “cheap labor,” “non-American,” etc. These “assumptions” might apply to some, but they do not apply to the majority.
Don’t waste your time trying to judge or assume what other people are or are not. That’s not your job in life. Look within, because if you look hard enough you will discover that all your perceptions are false and made up by you. In Buddhism, one of the Four Immeasurables, Equanimity, also means to see everyone as just people. Not man, woman, white, black, tall, short, gay, straight, etc etc. But to just see them in their natural form; human. Because that is what they are, we all share the same color blood, the same salty tears, and the same bodily functions. We all age, get sick and die. We are not separate, individual people, but a part of a continuous interdependent connectedness that does not begin and does not end.
If you expect others to change because they are not up to par of what you want them to be, then you are on a lifelong journey of unhappiness. Don’t worry about changing others, change yourself first and then your reality of others will change too.
Smile and be well!