Question: “Hello there! In order to find inner peace, to feel calm, I have been looking inside of myself. The problem is that when I do so I do not like what I find. I have come to dislike myself quite deeply. I wish to understand how I can come to love myself once more when I hate who I am.”
Ask yourself, “Who am I?” We usually describe ourselves by our name, gender, preferences, education, etc., that’s what we think makes us us. But that’s not true. Our true self is not of this body-mind phenomenon. Our body is simply a vessel, a hotel that we’re checked in at during this life. In many people’s lives there are horrors, regrets, pain, hate, anger, etc. In mine especially – you wouldn’t recognize me today compared to a few years ago; I was a horrible, mean, selfish person. I thought, said, and did things I can’t take back and has probably made a huge impact on my Karma.
So what do we do in order to love ourselves again? To help others, we must first help ourselves. To love others, we must first love ourselves. Know and understand that our past is simply that; history. You can’t go back, you can’t change it, you can’t do anything about it, so instead of lingering over it and hating yourself, just accept it and move on. What’s benefiting you by hating yourself? By hating your past? You’re doing a disservice to yourself and others. It’s important to meditate and reflect on the core issues of why you dislike yourself. Maybe it’s because you did or said bad things, but then go deeper and find out why you did or said those things, and why you would even have the thought to do or say them in the first place.
To find inner peace, you have to practice loving-kindness and loving-compassion on yourself. Peace comes when you’ve let go of attachments, desire, greed, and ignorance. You may have become attached to your past faults, so that’s blocking your path to peace, but you can break through that blockage by accepting those faults and penetrating them with love. In Buddhism we don’t have enemies, the only enemy is ourself, so without conquering and freeing ourselves, there’s no winning, no peace, no happiness, and no liberation. Don’t define who you are by your past, there’s nothing you can do about it. Define yourself by your awareness of the present moment, the ability of knowing you are the master of the moment and can change your future (and your future lives).
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha.
And when you truly love yourself, you won’t be able to hurt others. So meditate on yourself. Accept the past and let it go, don’t attach to it. Then, live in the present moment. By being aware and mindful of your thoughts, speech, and actions, you can stop every ill intention.
Smile and be well!