Letting go of the past

Question: “How do you learn to let go of your past? (Especially an ex)I have read the book on the power of “now” & have tried to meditate but I find myself thinking of things that have no significance now at the moment. past 6 months have been very difficult for me I feel like Im becoming emotionless bc whether I try or not I feel I get nowhere I don’t even remember the last time I felt real happiness. Everything is blah Nothing moves me. Its not a good feeling at all. Any advice on this? & believe me Im trying.”

This time last year you were probably mad, angry, or depressed about something – what was it? You probably can’t remember, right? Because it doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the attitude you need to have in the Present. The Power of Now book is an amazing book and holds a lot of truth that should be practiced. I work in retail and I always see a lot of my co-worker get upset because a customer yelled at them or gave them attitude and this somehow transfered over to the co-worker and “ruined their mood” and made them angry and moody too. And I always have to tell them and remind them, “Why?” I ask why because how and why do people’s attitudes and rudeness affect you? Why does it matter? What good is getting upset about it going to do for you? You become angry and moody because you allowed it. No one else caused you to get angry or moody but yourself. If you were mindful, you would instead be aware of the emotions that rise, remind yourself that they are not important or significant and let them go without causing any agitation to yourself.

You don’t remember happiness? Ask yourself this, “What is happiness?” If to you happiness is someone (a significant other) or something (material objects), then you don’t know what happiness is yet. True happiness comes from within. Any other happiness is only temporary – your significant other will age, get sick, and die; your car, house, new phone or computer will get old, wither, fall a part, and finally deteriorate into the Earth. So why would that bring you happiness knowing that everything will not last? What will last is your true Self! Your Buddha Nature is all the true happiness you need.

I’m not saying you can’t love someone (or several people) and want material things, because you can! But what you can’t do is think that they’ll last forever. If you meditate on impermanence and recognize that everything is temporary, it makes things easier when they finally disappear or leave. I just bought a new car on Monday. I absolutely love it and think it’s the most precious thing I own. Which is partially true because it costed me an arm and a leg, but… I only feel happy about it and remember about it when I’m driving, when I’m at work or not driving, I almost forget that I have a new car and the happiness I get from it disappears. So this is true with everything else. You can’t rely on people and things to make you happy. YOU have to make YOU happy. And it’s good that you’re trying. It isn’t easy. Like everything else, it takes practice and patience.

Point is, the past is exactly just that – the past. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it now. So instead of regretting and depressing over the past and worrying about the future, focus your energy to the present – the only time where things actually matter! The past might have hurt you, but only by focusing in the present can you be healed. By acknowledging and being mindful of your emotions you can better be aware of how you’re feeling, look at those feelings, tell yourself these feelings don’t matter, and then let them pass on. If you just allow yourself to be angry or depressed, then you’re going to stay that way. But if you ask yourself when those emotion arise “Why am I getting angry? Why am I depressed?,” then you have a better chance of overcoming those emotions and getting to the root cause of your suffering.

Hope this helps.

Smile and be well!