“Question: Lately I’ve been practicing to learn to love myself and others around me. But it’s so easy to hate. Could you give me any advice on the subject?”
It’s habitual to hate people and things that annoy us, frustrate us, and cause us suffering (dissatisfaction). But ask yourself this: Why? Why do these things bother you? Why do you let these things bother you? It’s so much easier to hate than to love. It’s so easy to hate and curse at the driver that cuts you off, it’s easy to hate the person walking infront of you who doesn’t hold the door open for you, it’s easy to get frustrated with your friends, siblings, and parents – but what is this doing for you? Absolutely nothing!
It’s not easy to let things go and just pass, but that’s exactly what you have to do. You have to just let the things happen and move on. Accept that someone cut you off, accept that the person didn’t hold the door open for you, and accept that your friends, siblings, and family are driving you crazy. Accept what’s happening, breathe, and just smile at them. Because once whatever has happened happens, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t go back in time and change it, so why suffer? Why hold on to that anger, to that hate, to that anxiety and frustration? What is it doing for you?
So what’s the solution? Conditioning. You have to condition yourself and your mind to just accept things and let it go, and smile. It’s so easy to hate all you want on the driver who cut you off. You might even want to be vengeful and speed up and cut them off too! But what’s that going to do? It’s going to cause an accident. It’s going to ruin your car. It might even put you in the hospital, or even worse, kill you. So is that worth your temporary vengeance to get back at them? Probably not, right? Instead, be a role model, be an ideal. Show them loving-kindness and compassion. Laugh at the situations if you want to. Just smile and let it be. So when they see you smiling and see that what they did didn’t affect you, maybe next time they’ll think about what they did and won’t do it again.
Years ago, before I was seriously practicing Buddhism, I was a horrible person. Just plain out rude, sarcastically mean, and hated people in general. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t outside sources that caused me to hate people, it was myself that I disliked, so I took it out externally on others. Once I knew that I have to love myself before I love others, I changed. With time, of course. You have to condition your mind to think positive, to do positive, and to be positive. Always smile. Even if you’re just walking to your car or driving, waiting in line, or simply just sitting down. You attract what you put out. Everything is a cause and effect: you do good, good things will happen – you do bad, bad things will happen. It’s a challenge to not just want to hate everyone, but if you practice daily (or at least as often as you can) loving-kindness meditation, eventually even the rudest people you can forgive and forget.
It’s easy to hate, but it can be easier to love if you dedicate yourself and really apply yourself to be compassionate and spread loving-kindness to everyone. Throughout the day while I’m at work, I chant the Om Mani Padme Hum mantra, so if a difficult situation arises, I can go back to the mantra and remind myself to be compassionate, to smile, to let it go. You don’t want to affect or gain bad karma because of the hated thoughts that might arise, so if you just chant or hum a mantra, your mind will be concentrating on loving-kindness. I always end my posts with “smile and be well” because it only takes a smile to change not only change your own attitude, but it can also change others’ attitude, too.
“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” – Thich Nhat Hanh.
Smile and be well!