Question: “I can’t let go of someone I love. Suggestions?”
Letting go is one of the hardest things we try to do. It was easier getting into a PhD program than it was letting go of my phone that was “in the shop” for two days! Why? Because we have this misconceived notion that “things” and people magically make us happy. That their necessity in our lives is what makes us happy or unhappy. If we seek happiness in external objects (or people), then we’ll always have to change those objects to be happy. If our happiness comes from our mind, if we change our mind to be happy, then all the external objects will seem as if they have changed.
We assume external circumstances is what makes us happy. Our new iPhone, new boyfriend/girlfriend, new car, new job, we assume these are our happy things. But what happens when a new iPhone comes out, or you and your partner break up, you crash your car, or lose your job – are you still happy? Of course not! Everything and everyone is impermanent. Everything and everyone will age, get sick, and die. But we sometimes fail to see or believe that, so we grasp, cling, and hang on to things thinking they’ll last and be with us forever.
When we look within, when we find our happiness from within, even the most chaotic and heartbreaking situations will be tolerable, we’ll be able to cope. Why? Because we realize that the impermanence of the world can’t bring us lasting happiness. The only thing and person that can make you happy is yourself. You can’t rely on things, people, or god to make you happy. You can’t pray the sadness away, it doesn’t work like that. When you sit on the couch and the remote is on the other side, do you sit there and try to telepathically turn on the TV or pray to god to turn it on? Do you get into your car and snap your fingers for the car to turn on? Are you in college trying to get a higher education but praying that god or some deity to give you good grades for you? No! YOU have to do something about it. YOU have to make an effort, to work for it, and apply it!
Meditate on why you can’t let go of someone. Why do you have to let them go? Why do you love them? Get to the core of each issue and keep asking yourself “why, why, why” until the very core of your “happiness” and “need” for them reveals itself. Meditate.
Smile and be well!