Question: “I wouldn’t really consider myself a Buddhist since I just started practicing it 4 weeks ago. But ever since I’ve been reading more about the subject plus reading your blogs everyday has made me think that this will be the way for me to achieve peace in my soul. But since I have a bad temper, people tend to Cross the line a lot and make me not have inner peace anymore. My question to you is how can you maintain to have that inner peace in you?”
Practice and meditation. By no means am I all peaceful and blissful inside. 50% of the time I have crazy road rage and wish I had super powers to blast everyone on the road. Obviously that’s not very buddhist, BUT there’s a very important practice when it comes to overcoming anger – mindfulness.
With mindfulness, or at least by practicing mindfulness, we can take each thought, speech and action step-by-step and watch them. By keeping aware of what we’re thinking, saying and doing, we can quickly notice any positive or negative feelings or emotions about to arise and stop the negative ones before they turn into harmful words or actions.
There are a lot of instances where we go in kind of knowing that it will cause us some sort of frustration or agitation, whether it’s work, driving, or whatever. For these situations we can “prepare” ourselves for whatever negative thoughts might arise. By know that these thoughts is a possibility, we can continually remind ourselves to think positively and to not allow the negativity of the situation to bother you.
Because I hate driving and people driving, I have to listen to something pleasant. If it’s not good music, then I’ll look something up on YouTube – usually a sutra or mantras – and listen to that. As I listen to it, it keeps my mind off the surrounding negativity that may or may not be there. So instead of getting angry at whatever situation it is – stop, take a few deep breaths, and chant something or make something up.
If it’s people that is angering you, then instead of getting angry back, act back with compassion and understanding. We are all human, each and every one of us has love, anger, confusion, sadness, jealousy, greed, etc. in us – none of us are special no matter who we are. We all have bad days and good days. We cry, we bleed, we age, get sick, and we all die. We are all the same, we are all family. So why are you getting angry at family?
Think and act with compassion, not aggression. Meditate on compassion. Practice the loving-kindness meditation: meditate and wish your family happiness, freedom from suffering and their liberation. Then do the same with your friends, then your co-workers, your acquaintances, strangers, your “enemies,” and finally for all sentient beings.
Smile and be well!