Question: “I follow the five precepts but my mother, who is Catholic, keeps asking me why I don’t drink alcohol because I’m over 21. When I tried to explain to her, she said “Jesus turned water into wine, so alcohol is fine,” and goes on about how I should drink to help me relax and not deny myself the pleasure of drinking. I have no interest to drink, and I tell her that, but she doesn’t understand. What should I do?”
Sometimes it’s really hard for people, especially parents, to comprehend why people do certain things. For us (Buddhists), not drinking is probably one of the most baffling “rules” we have to explain to people. Before I took my five precept vows, a good chunk of my friends were drinking/going out friends. Drinking and gossiping was the basis of our relationship, so losing the thing that made us friends was difficult to explain, but fortunately everyone was understanding.
The direct translation of the precept of abstaining from drinking alcohol doesn’t say “Don’t drink alcohol!” It’s more along the lines of, don’t drink to the point of unclarity, or don’t fog the mind; basically, don’t get drunk, or stop once you start feeling tipsy. Unlike any other religion, Buddhism changes and adapts according to scientific evidence, culture, and local tastes. A glass of wine is actually good for you. It can help prevent heart disease and heart attacks, and lower cholesterol, among other things. Buddha taught us about moderation; the Middle Way. Don’t deny the benefits of wine, but don’t over indulge in it either.
Anyway. if completely not drinking is what you wish to continue to do, that is perfectly fine. Next time she uses the Jesus excuse, you can always return it by saying, “Yeah, well Jesus said to love everyone equally, and that isn’t really working out very well, is it?” It’s not very Buddhisty, but it’s a start. Hah.
But really, explaining that you have no desire to drink will ultimately change a person’s mind. I always ask people what they’re benefiting from drinking. “To have a good time!” Yeah, well I have a pretty good time all on my own without alcohol. “It helps relax you!” So does yoga, meditation, and exercise. “It’s fun!” When is hangovers, vomiting, and acting like a fool ever fun? Buddhist don’t drink because when you’re drunk or getting there, the mind gets all fogged up and unclear and you become unmindful, which is the total opposite of Buddhist practice! Why would anyone want to get drunk, say and do stupid thing, vomit, and wake up on the bathroom floor (or worse!) feeling like someone drilled into your head with a jackhammer? Obviously that’s a little dramatic, but it still happens.
Explaining in as much detail as you can about the precepts also helps. Avoid saying “rules” or “laws,” because that’s not what the precepts are. They’re simply guidelines to live a better, healthier life to get closer to liberation and freedom.
Smile and be well!