Question: “I want to convert to Buddhism. I want to learn slowly but learn all I can. My pain and suffering doesn’t allow me to move to a happier life. I have tried meditating but I can’t seem to get it right. Sometimes I just feel so angry and it’s because of all the grudges I hold within me. I have thought of getting a tattoo of a Buddha to show that I have now found peace within the Buddha. But I’m not sure if that’s a sign of disrespect towards the Buddha. Please help.”
How can you say you’ve found peace with the Buddha if you’re still angry and carrying grudges? Where’s the peace?
I’m sure you and many, many, many others have this assumption that Buddhism is peace. That converting to Buddhism will somehow magically make their life happier and peaceful. Well guess what? It doesn’t. It actually makes your life much more complicated and harder because Buddhism forces you to confront yourself and your inner issues and problems, which for a while will cause a lot of sadness and anger and suffering.
Buddhism is not peace and happiness. Buddhism is the path that leads to peace and happiness. Buddhism is like a ladder. You need a ladder to reach the ceiling to change the lightbulb, otherwise you can’t reach and you’ll have to live in darkness. So you get a ladder and climb the steps to reach the ceiling. Sometimes you might slip and scrape your leg or knee and you bleed. You get angry because this tool that’s supposed to help you accomplish something is hurting you, but then you realize you need to be more careful and mindful of where and how you’re stepping. Eventually you will reach the ceiling and change the lightbulb.
Buddhism is like that. You have to actively find the tools necessary to achieve your goal. There might be bumps and bruises on the way, but with practice, commitment and diligence, your lightbulb will go off, and then, nirvana.
So when you practice and meditate, you need to confront yourself and ask yourself why you are angry? Why are you holding grudges? What good is that doing for you? What happiness could this suffering possibly give you? Absolutely nothing. Don’t try to fool yourself with superficial excuses like, “they hurt my feelings,” “they went behind my back,” “they lied to me,” etc. Boo effing hoo. It’s called life, shit happens and you take what’s being thrown at you and it’s your job to either dodge them and let it go, or catch them and hang on to its anger.
Life is as peaceful and blissful as you choose to make it. If all you see is anger, your life will always be in suffering. If you choose to see happiness, your life will always be in happiness.
Smile and be well!