Question: “Even though i am aware of certain actions or emotions which are improper, but still i am not able to control them. What is that force me to do it?”
The goal isn’t to control our thoughts, but to simply be aware and mindful of them. By being mindful of our thoughts we have enough time to stop anything that we might say or do. Being mindful is a 24/7 job. Being mindful is a way of meditation and being in this constant 24/7 meditation (because in meditation we’re calm and at peace) we can better be able to be aware of our thoughts (whether good or bad) before we do any speech or action.
It’s a daily practice. It’s a life long practice. I work in retail and it’s extremely difficult to be peaceful and compassionate the whole time because there’s always those bad customers who just try to ruin your day, are very rude, or just difficult. However, with time, practice, and effort my negative thoughts have gone down tremendously! What helps is always keeping a half-smile on your face and chanting a mantra in your head (or whispering it if you can). Any mantra works; I often chant Om Mani Padme Hum, Namo Avaloketishvara Bodhisattva, or I try to recite the Great Compassion Mantra or Heart Sutra. So by chanting, you’re focusing and concentrating your mind on the mantra and on whatever you’re doing – this way, no external thoughts will arise, and if you’re chanting and you see something that might anger you or cause you to say something negative, your chanting will remind you to be mindful of those thoughts and to not think them. And over time, those thoughts will lessen and stop.
Daily meditation and always trying to be mindful will help you overcome many of the negative emotions and thoughts that arise. It’s easier to stop negative thoughts when we first become mindful of them versus trying to stop it after we’ve engaged in it – because when we engage with certain thoughts, this causes us to become emotional (angry, sad, frustrated, etc.). So when we’re first mindful of a thought and realize this thought has risen and might cause us anger, the thought will go away. But if we’re already engaged in a thought and try to get it to go away, we’re still going to be thinking about it and feeling the emotions it caused us. So it’s better to be mindful of things as soon as they arise.
Smile and be well!