Question: “My dad keeps yelling at me and blaming me for things that are not true. Basically, he is suffering and letting it out on me. I let it pass for a few weeks but now it is getting out of hand. His suffering is starting to affect me. Help?”
Whether it’s a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or a stranger – people will always want to blame someone or something for their suffering. I know a lot of people who start their Buddhist studies on the assumption that it’s a magical happy pill. That it will take all their suffering and depression away. It won’t. In many cases it will do the opposite, making those situations worse. Why? Because Buddhism forces us to face ourselves and our problems, putting the blame on no one but ourselves, and sometimes it’s very hard.
Especially with our parents whom are supposed to be the always-right authority figures, it’s difficult to “change their ways” unless they can realize and see the wrong that they are doing.
So… This is what I do for the people that are intolerable… Make a face, roll your eyes (or not, I’m half kidding), smile and repeat the Metta chant:
May I (s/he) be free from enmity/danger
May I (s/he) be free from mental suffering
May I (s/he) be free from physical suffering
May I (s/he) take care of myself (her/himself) happily
We may think that others’ suffering is being put on us, but really it’s not. We are allowing their suffering to affect us. If we meditate and practice enough and let go of the notion that we are something that can be affected, then no one’s words or suffering can ever can us to suffer with them.
Especially for our parents and family members, even though sometimes it might not show, but they love us and we must love them unconditionally. Some families have it harder than others, but pray for them. Meditate on loving-kindness and compassion, practice loving-kindness and compassion, and pray that their suffering will end.
Smile and be well!