Being in uncomfortable situations

Question: “As I continue to read more into Buddhism my life has been opening up in every way but in some ways/departments confusing. Compassion has been very difficult lately. My ex gf wants to be my “friend.” In the past she wasn’t a good “friend,” therefore I wish to keep my distance from her. Then past couple of nights I’ve been exposed to some friends who have been acting very “not” so lady like. I’m turned off and find it difficult to be around any of it. How should I handle this? Namaste”

The obvious answer is as obvious as the problem. If someone is chasing you, what do you do? You run! As we grow older, become wiser, and experienced, a lot of changes will occur in our life, the most absolute is the coming and going of friends. Your friends in high school probably won’t be your friends in college. Your friends in college probably won’t be your friends at your job. Your friends at your job probably won’t be your friends socially (outside of work and school). And your social friends probably won’t be your friends for the rest of your life.

Point is, you know what’s causing you to suffer (your “friends”), and so you know what “fixes” that problem. Running! In a less dramatic way, you leave their presence. One of the eight sufferings is being with those we dislike. So the answer is obvious: don’t be with them! I had to unfriend many of my good friends once I took my precept vows because I vowed to stop drinking, and these were friends that the basis of our friendship was drinking and partying! It’s hard and sometimes sad, but you have to put in the will, effort, determination, and devotion to awaken your mind, and that means abandoning things and people that are distracting and unnecessary.

On the other hand, dealing with difficult people can be a tough challenge to practice your compassion and loving-kindness. My job is a daily challenge to my practice. Sometimes I win, sometimes I fail. But at least when I fail, I know I fail and I can better myself next time. And eventually, you have more wins than fails, and the toughest and most difficult of people will cross your way and you’ll be able to see and feel their pain and want nothing more than to show them love.

Don’t stop practicing. Find and do what you feel like you need to do. Meditate and find your way 🙂

Smile and be well!