Question: “Goodnight, I recall reading something on your blog where somebody asked about love, you said it was an attachment, I have a girlfriend and I do “love” her but i define the word love as my appreciation for her presence and for what she does for/with me, not as if i need her to be happy although she does make me happy, because you said love is an attachment, and the only way to end suffering is so let go of attachments, does this mean I shouldn’t say I love her?”
Love is an attachment, yes. But what makes it good or bad, suffering or blissful is how we view that attachment. Anything that we attach to has a lifespan – it will age, get sick, and die, whether it be a person or a thing. How we handle it will determine your happiness or suffering.
Love is a beautiful and necessary thing. We must love to be and feel happy. Not the kind of love we get from having our favorite ice cream, being with our loved ones, or accomplishing a goal, but the kind of love that gives you the ability to see beauty in every situation and perception.
When we try to get or find happiness, that happiness will always have a lifespan and end. Because everything we experience is transient. Everything from which something can be “gotten” will end, but to be happy doesn’t require any getting.
There’s a difference between feeling happy and being happy. Feelings of happiness come and go, whereas being happy is always present – there’s nothing for you to gain or lose.
Because we always assume something will make us happy, we always go after more and more to keep up with our wants and needs. If we can pin-point the exact thing that makes us happy from something or someone, then we can do it ourselves and not have to worry about ever going after something again! But we’re human, so naturally we’re lazy and take the easy ways and eat a tub of ice cream.
Love can make us, it can break us. It can show us the truth, the faults. It can enlighten us, or take us on a deeper path of suffering and rebirth. Thinking the person and the activities and things we do with our loved one is what makes us love them will only blind us. Being able to enjoy the silence and their presence without attachment will open up our minds!
Smile and be well!