Question: “So, I have been practicing paying attention to my mind thoughts & emotions. I have also been very mindful of NOT killing bugs. So far two huge spiders have come my way normally I would freak out & “kill” but didn’t. About 30 min ago I had a huge fight with my brother which I tried very hard not to let it get the best of me but my brother is a piece of work. I felt I was doing well with the whole mindful & karma thing up until the fight with my brother I felt like It all went to cr@p. Your thoughts?”
Normally, I’m very conscious about where I walk when I’m walking my dog as to not step on any bugs or ants. On a daily basis, whether we notice it or not, we’re killing living things all day, everyday. Washing our hands, bodies, and brushing our teeth is killing germs and bacteria; living organisms. We step on ants and other little critters whenever we walk through grass or even in the street. What makes this “okay” is our intention. As long as we have good intentions and the intention of not deliberately killing, then that doesn’t affect our karma in a negative way. If you happened to have noticed you killed something, simply pray for it. For example, I’ll fold my hands in prayer say something like, “I’m sorry. May you be reborn in a better life,” and bow (not prostrate) three times. So as long as your intentions are good, accidents will happen.
Funny story time. I HATE bugs. They creep me the $%&# out. The other night there was a cockroach in my bathroom. Luckily my sister was over, so I yelled her in to come and kill it so I wouldn’t have to. By the time she got to the bathroom, the cockroach disappeared. So I’m just thinking of the horrors of it creeping up my leg as I shower or something. Anyway, later on I go in and I see it on my floor mat, so I yell to my sister again to come in, but as I’m yelling at her, the cockroach is coming towards me. And when it comes to cockroaches especially, I’m like a little girl. So I’m backing up as much as I can and it cornered me into my closet and still coming towards me, so I had no choice (okay, I HAD a choice, but still) but to throw a shoe at it. As I did that, though, I did say I was sorry and only half killed it and my sister had to finish the job. Hah. Once this terrifying experience was over, I prayed for it, but this time I begged it to come back as a butterfly or something less horrifying :p
As for the fighting bit. I’m glad you’re working to be mindful of your thoughts and emotions, however, simply being able to walk away from an argument with a calm mind will take much, much practice. I’m not even able to 100% do that yet, but then again I work in retail, so it’s almost impossible anyway! But as you continue to meditate and learn to calm your mind, you’ll better be able to address situations with calmness and compassion instead of hostility and argumentation. When you approach things and situations with compassion, people will start realizing it and either 1) freak out about it and let it go, 2) think you’re weak minded and continue because they think they’re winning, or 3) realize that their hostility isn’t affecting you and will calm down to approach the situation in a civil manner. Working in retail, I’ve noticed angry people get angrier the nicer you are to them, which I think is hilarious. But what this does is make them think about their actions once they walk away and start calming down, because they’ll start to realize, “That person was really nice to me when I wasn’t,” and hopefully next time they’ll think, “I’m going to be nice to them next time I see them.”
The important thing to remember if you’re arguing or getting angry is that you need to be mindful, “I’m getting angry” or “I’m witnessing anger.” Because you’re not anger, you’re simply experiencing anger. It’s our ego and our biases that allow us to get angry or happy with certain things, situations, or people, so we need to overcome that ignorance and diluted ego. Which isn’t easy. You can practice this your whole life and only come to the moment of realizing the Self on your death bed, but because you’re practicing, it becomes easier as time goes on.
Remember people are human beings, just like you, they have good days and bad days just like you. To quote the Dalai Lama, “If someone behaves negatively towards you, it helps to remember that he or she is a human being like you and to distinguish between an action and the person who does it. If counter measures are needed to prevent someone doing harm, it’s always better to do it with a calm rather than an agitated mind. If you act out of anger, the best part of your brain fails to function. Remember, compassion is not a sign of weakness.”
Smile and be well!