Question: “Ever since my buddhist journey I’ve been practicing to be very mindful of all my thoughts & actions. Unfortunately I failed several times I felt some were forcing their opinions on me, have been rude, disrespectful & untrustworthy. I am aware I have flaws which I’m working on but it’s truly sad others fail to acknowledge theirs. The more I try to be “good” seems like t more I get my buttons pushed. Am I being tested bc I am trying? I’m a lil confused by all this. Namaste”
It’s okay to fail. When we fail, we learn. Even the Dalai Lama himself has said many times he sometimes let’s his emotions sneak pass his mindfulness. Being mindful is a button that should stay on 24/7, but it’s a lifetime’s worth of practice, so failure is going to happen to matter how hard you try. The point of failing is to know you’re failing, and the more you notice you’re not being mindful, the more mindful you’ll be about being mindful!
It’s okay to slip sometimes. I’m probably only fully mindful between 50-70% of the day. And when I am, it’s usually when a negative thought occurs and I manage to stop it while it’s forming or repent after it’s been thought of. I’m still full of bias and ignorance – mostly of stupid, uneducated people (I don’t mean by academic degrees, because even people with masters degrees are idiots, but by people who think they know something about something but they really don’t). And because I still have bias and ignorance, my mindfulness is going to be choppy.
I’ve said this before: Who cares what people say? The only way it’s going to affect you is if you let it! Someone can yell at you, curse you out, or just be rude and it’ll do nothing to you if you don’t let it. Last weekend a sad thing happened to me: someone threw a rock through my car window. Was I angry? Did I stomp my feet on the ground, yelling, cursing, resulting to witchcraft to curse the person who did it? No. I took the rock and meditated on it. Through it, I sent energy of loving-compassion to the person. I wished them to be happy, successful, and well, and that their suffering caused by ignorance, delusion, and anger be liberated, and I forgave them. I wasn’t angry at the person. I was angry at the situation because it cost me $600 to replace the window. I felt sorry and compassion towards the person because they are obviously sad and unhappy with their life.
Feeling like you’re getting your buttons pushed is a good sign. Why? Because you noticed. Before you started your journey, what pushes your buttons now might now have done so prior. And now that you’re a little more awake, a little more attentive and mindful, you’re noticing a little more of the reality around you. Others can’t push your buttons. They’re your buttons! If something or someone is bothering you, relax and breathe. Be mindful of what’s going on, of the situation, and of the emotions arising – acknowledge it and let it pass.
Smile and be well!