Question: “Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot about the focus on attachment being negative in Buddhism. (Recently began trying to enlighten myself/others) I’ve hit a bit of a rump trying to find out where this attachment being detrimental sits in my life, because of my love toward family members i.e mother, or boyfriend. Are these feelings of extreme love wrong? Are they detrimental in my path? I feel as if I may be misinterpreting my strong love for unhealthy attachment, but I needed clarification. Thank you!”
Love and attachment are two very different things. Love is necessary for our and others’ happiness. Attachment is the greediness we have that assumes weneed what we want/love.
It’s absolutely fine to love, especially our loved ones. However, what makes this love “dangerous” or prone to attachment is our ignorance and lack of understanding of impermanence. We always make assumptions and hopes that our family will out-live anyone else, or that when we think we’ve found our soul mate that they’ll be around forever and never leave you. But in reality, our parents will grow old, get sick and die. Our soul mate might be our soul mate for 10, 20 or 30 years, but feelings and love changes, and the relationship might end. What happens at the end of all these examples? Hurt. Sadness. Depression. Anger. Hate.
As Buddhists, our main goal is to lessen and eradicate our attachments. It doesn’t have to be by getting rid of stuff/people. You don’t have to give away all your clothes, belongings, money, or stop seeing and talking to family and friends. No, no. It’s much simpler than that. We simply have to meditate on these things and reflect on them; visualize your things burning, getting lost, stop working, etc. and visualize on death, of your friends and family. After much practice, we’ll come to a powerful realization that everything is impermanent – everything will come to an end. It’s inevitable.
Why do we practice meditation on death and the end of things? Because when it does happen, our understanding of its end will be so much easier to live with. If we don’t want to hurt so much, have anger and maybe even hate when a loved one dies, then it’s important to meditate on death, so when the time comes, it’s an easier process for you and those around you.
Smile and be well!