Attachment is one of the main causes of suffering. Buddhism makes it pretty obvious that over-attachment to worldly things can cause us to suffer. In a modern world and society, it’s almost impossible to not attach to things, whether it be material objects like our car, gadgets, TV (shows), etc., or people (family, friends, celebrities, etc.). What causes us to suffer is their impermanence.
Everything is impermanent: our fancy car or house; our favorite clothes, shoes; or the discontinuation of our favorite cologne/perfume, makeup, ice cream, or TV show; and of course life itself. We’re sad, depressed, and cry when these things are gone because we over-attach to them too much – we think they’ll last forever, so when they don’t, we suffer.
It’s difficult to try to understand how to not attach ourselves to our families especially, because I imagine everyone would be devastated, cry, and be a little depressed for some amount of time whenever a close family member dies. Which would be normal for most people. But as Buddhist, we should understand that this death is not the end for them, but only a continuation to hopefully a better next life. So when they die, we should not cry over their body and wish them life again, instead we talk to them and chant to help them realize “it’s okay.” Scientific research has shown that the hearing sensory is the last one to “die” when a person dies, so they can still hear you after death. So don’t cry, don’t let them hear you suffer, because that will keep them in our world longer. Instead of crying or wishing them back, chant a sutra or mantra to help guide them to their next life.
Back to attachment. It’s okay to want things; a nice car, a beautiful house, designer clothes and accessories, etc., but if you think you NEED these, if you name your car, think everything of or in your house is so important and precious, and become sad if a scratch or dirt happens to be on those designer things, then you’re probably attached to them. Because what’s going to happen if you crash your car, your house gets broken into or burnt down, or your designer things fell apart? You’ll suffer. Not because your car crashed, your house burnt down, or your designer purse fell apart, but because “Stacy” (the car) crashed, all the pretty things in your house that are “important,” and the expensive Prada purse broke apart. You didn’t see these things as your means of transportation, your shelter, or the bag that holds your things – you saw them as these ego-boosting, materialistic objects that apparently you had to have in your life that were so important.
The Buddha said to try and lessen your attachment to things, to not attach yourself to anything, not even the Dharma. The Dharma is simply the tool for Enlightenment, it’s not Enlightenment itself, because once you’ve become Enlightened, you’ll no longer need the Dharma. So like the Dharma, the car, house, and bag are simply tools to take you to point A to point B, keep you sheltered, and hold your stuff.
So how to we try to detach ourselves from things? One way is to have less stuff. This can mean cleaning out your house or even just your closet and donating those things, or storing or giving away random things around the house (I had two large bookshelves in my room filled with random stuff and books that I have no need for, but I’m a hoarder and I never throw anything away, so I packed whatever were childhood things and donated 90% of the books and other things, so I was two bookshelves-free). Another way is to lessen the decorations in our houses, i.e. things we hang on walls, put on shelves, etc. Sometimes we have so stuff around the house, it just looks messy and cluttered, so try to live simply with fewer things and fewer decorations. Maybe a couple of paintings and some mirrors or photos.
Meditating on impermanence is probably the best way to lessen our attachment. Meditation on the fact that everything will eventually wither away, die, and cease to exist. Meditate that nothing will last forever, not even our cars, houses, buildings, trees, or even the earth itself. Meditate and come to the realization and contentness that everyone, including yourself, will grow old, get sick, and die. So when the time comes of someone dying, you will be less grief stricken and have been prepared for death, because you know it is going to happen to everyone, even ourselves. Meditating on death, though may sound morbid, is a great way to come to the realization of impermanence and emptiness, the most profound concept in Buddhism.
Smile and be well!