Question: “In a Sutta I read it said the Buddha would only say things to people if it were true and beneficial to them and he wouldn’t even entertain the thought of telling someone something that was untrue even if it was beneficial to them. I struggle with this, I try to be honest but I tend to lie to avoid hurting feelings or causing a confrontation. Any tips on how to stay honest in a way that won’t hurt anyone or cause problems? Thank you”
Sometimes we just have to face the fact that we can’t save everyone’s feelings from getting hurt. That is their own suffering. If they allow simple words to disturb and affect them, they are causing their own suffering. You might have initiated it, but ultimately, their minds are weak. That is why we practice Buddhism and meditation – to not let words, thoughts and actions disturb and affect us.
Any lie or dishonesty will eventually be revealed. It might be hours, days, months or years, but a lie is like a disease – it might take some time to show symptoms, but eventually it will surface and become visible.
If you don’t want to tell a lie, then say nothing at all and let the people figure out the truth for themselves. If you lie to someone and they found out, then regardless of your intentions, they will probably be mad at you for lying in the first place and not telling them the truth – the truth that could of saved them from mistakes.
It is important to help as much as we can. Sometimes that means telling the truth even if it’s a hard one. There are circumstances to tell “white lies” if we know for sure it will save them from something or making a major mistake or decision.
However, we must remember, like many other things we do in life that become habitual, so too does lying. The more we lie, the easier and more natural it becomes, and then we will get to a point where we don’t even realize that we’re lying because it’s not something we think about anymore.
Think of the circumstances of telling the truth and of lying, then think of the consequences, for yourself and for them.
Smile and be well!